When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
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