How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
