for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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