You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
