So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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