Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
