just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
