I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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