and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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