I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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