Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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