If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
