If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
