I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
