Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
