he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
PANTIES FOUND
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