Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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