eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
