if only i could text you this smell
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize