I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
