her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
