Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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