Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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