My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
