I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
