can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
