i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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