I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Two words: blizzard sex
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
