shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
