Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
