i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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