the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
