i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
