Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
