pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
