I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
