Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
