I am in a vortex of obligation.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
