If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
