piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
