if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
