How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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