I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
pray to the hookup gods
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
