so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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