I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
