I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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