Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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