I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
