Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
