im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
