Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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