I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
