is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
