You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's always time for handjobs
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
