i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
