I hate your face
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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