i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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