just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
