Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
