Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
