my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
