Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
