so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We are two peas in an std pod
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
