what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
