I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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