he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
