No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
