Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
