Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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