somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
