You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
