I like my sex mixed with concussions.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
