I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
