just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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