So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize