When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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