we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
