He disabled his match.com account in front of me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
