Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's the barista slut.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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