jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
