The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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